ACCEPTANCE #atozchallenge

It had been years of trying , crying and pain. I had spent the last couple of years of my life desperately trying to make another life and was basically failing miserably at this basic biological act.

My husband and I had gotten married young…so we were in no rush to start a family and take on the responsibility of another human being especially as we were not yet sure if we could even take care of ourselves. So after a couple of years of marriage we decided the time had come to go from 2 to 3.

And that decision changed my life….6 months later every aunt worth her salt had given me some or the other advice on how to have a child. 6 months more and we decided to actually give each of those methods a whirl.

After 2 years of advice taking and implementation we found ourselves in front of an infertility specialist nervous like it was our 10th boards again and wanting to know who had done better and who needed to improve and the almost let down when she said “oh, both your reports are fine, there doesn’t seem to be any issue in you conceiving a child”. Well then why was it not happening?

We obviously then went through the entire gamut of treatments ranging from monitoring, IUI and finally IVF. Through this entire time I was dealing with not only physical pain due to injections, ultrasounds and more than normally painful periods , I was also going through major depression induced partly by the medicines and partly by a sense of disbelief that this was happening to me. My husband tried to support me but well, he was fighting his own demons.

And then one day while injecting myself (I had to take 4 injections a day, it was more practical to learn how to give myself an injection than go to the hospital 4 times a day), I finally broke. I shed tears for a child which was not born and apologized for not being able to endure more pain to bring her to this world.

That day both of us looked at each other and finally accepted that this was not working out for us. We were finally able to speak to each other and realized that both of us had been too scared to tell the other that this desperation to have a child was instead of bringing us together pulling us apart.

And the day that I accepted that we may never go from 2 to 3 was the day I was liberated. My depression dissipated within a few months and my relationship with my husband improved. Through the entire 5 years of trying I had felt as if a gun was on my head and today I feel carefree and alive.

It is important to try and make something work but it is equally important to accept that you may fail .That acceptance allows you to live your life to the fullest!

This post is part of the #atozchallenge with a-to-z challenge.com

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9 thoughts on “ACCEPTANCE #atozchallenge

  1. This is an honest and heart warming account of an experience I can’t even begin to imagine would have been soul-altering! You are such a strong couple & It has been a joy to know you and your complete family.
    Welcome to the World of Blogging! This is an amazingly powerful debut!
    Good Luck with your AtoZ.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t know if I could have gone through all you went through. Accepting the ways things are was a brave but necessary decision. After all there is life ( a lot of it ) before and after children for those who have them.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Fear of rejection or disappointment can drive one to a wall but you have shown that by accepting and believing in yourself is the first step to overcome the impossible. God bless and am always gonna be there for you. 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It takes a strong person to go through all that you did. And a stronger and braver one to share their story with others so that everyone who reads it may draw their own strength from it.

    Sometimes winning the battle means giving up the fight. And you shared the story of your acceptance in such a beautiful manner.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. So well written , it’s difficult to pour your heart out , and as you said ACCEpT ,, ehich both of you have done beautifully , and come out much stronger , all the best for the future ❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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